


How to Never Stop Being Sad

by parisianstyles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Eating Disorders, I love him, Insecure Louis, Louis Has An Eating Disorder, Louis-centric, M/M, Sad but cute, a lil gay oOooo, anorexic!louis, essentially harry is super naïve, louis' inner voice is a lil bitch, my poor sweetheart, poor baby, tw for eating disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-31 02:25:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12122508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parisianstyles/pseuds/parisianstyles
Summary: Louis knows he isn't good enough. He also knows there are 50 calories in an apple. On top of that, he knows that both those statements are facts.





	1. 1

Going to the gym had become part of his regular routine. A couple of blueberries gave him the energy burst he needed to do a full on workout. Grabbing his backpack, Louis set out to head there, just like he did every Sunday morning. Entering through the huge glass door, he headed straight to the locker & changing room, slinging his bag in his usual locker. Number 075. 75 pounds. That was what he wanted. It was something small but the locker was usually free, and that number put him in the right mindset for the workout ahead. Strenuous, but necessary.

He'd picked up from the many websites he uses that using an elliptical bulks up his legs. he steers clear, instead opting for the treadmill. He needs to feel those gym clothes loosen, not tighten, after all. he's always known that persistence isn't one of his vices, but it will be.

After an hour and a half, the pain in his legs becomes too much. Louis hits the showers, slightly stumbling.

'Woah there' a deep voice calls out, slipping a hand on Louis' clothed thigh to steady him. 'You alright?' the voice asks, his hand still on Louis' thigh. Louis' instinct in tact, he shoves the strangers hand away. It's too late, he's already felt how disgusting he is first hand.  
'Um, yes. I'm fine, thanks.' he mutters bluntly.  
'Alrighty, I'm sorry' he smiles, with kind eyes. His curly brunette hair and slightly muscular, yet still slim physique, covered in tattoos, interests Louis. His eyes wander over the man in front of him for a second. Does...does he recongnise him? Whatever, it's one of those weird moments he's having.

Louis moves past him without saying another word. Harry shrugs it off, he's not one to be overly annoyed by rudeness, I mean, it bothers him, but he won't give it a second thought. That guy though..? There's something about him, he knows it. Maybe this is his overly complicated thought process, but he likes him. Or he likes those nice blue toned eyes. Lovely.

During Louis' long, cold shower (cold burns more calories, enzymes work faster because the body is colder, so they aren't at their optimum temperature-google it), all he can do is look down at himself. Thick thighs and large stomach and huge calves and collarbones that barely stretch the skin on your décolletage. He nearly cries, but his body doesn't have that kind of energy. At least, he can't waste the energy crying, especially not after nearly falling on his face outside, before he slipped off the loose work out clothes.

Wrapping a towel around himself, he goes back to the locker. 075. And...he's there. The guy. He's attractive, but he probably weighs less than you, it'll never work. Do you hear that, Louis? Never. So stop looking, creep. The man catches his gaze.  
'I'm sorry for being moody earlier. Thanks for catching me.' Louis smiles, as much as he can muster. He loses his breath slightly because oh my God you're so huge you can't even say a fucking word without getting tired you fat fuck.  
'Oh, don't worry about it!' Harry smiles. He likes him more now. That apology certainly helped.  
'Thanks for understanding...' his voice trails off.  
'Sorry, I don't think I caught your name..?' He says again, wow, way to be forward, Harry.  
'Louis'  
'Oh, I knew you seemed familiar! I saw your advert for a flat share in the smoothie shack!' Harry grins. Louis finds it unusual but so attractive, how he smiles so frequently.  
'No way! You must be Harry, I saw your picture. You're looking at Kensington too, yeah?'  
'That's me.'  
An awkward silence between the two of them makes its presence known amongst the noise of showers and lockers shutting and people changing.  
'So, this may be...uh, strange, but would you possibly like to flatshare with me?' Harry asks, raising his voice slightly at the end of his question.  
'Ugh, please! I've been waiting to move out of my parents house for the longest time' Louis groans.  
'Guess it's a done deal' Harry says, triumphantly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Liam begins to notice that something may be up with Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this is so terribly written lmao i hope you enjoy it nevertheless, also i apologise sincerely for any mistakes as i originally had an OC as the protagonist but decided that was a dumb idea

'Uhm, listen, Harry mate, y'know that roommate of yours?' Liam asked, interrupting his friend's daydream. Harry jerked his head.  
'..what about him?'  
'Don't you think he's a bit..small?'  
'Well he is 5'3, 5'4. Quite small, I reckon.' Harry shrugs, with the brunette boy in his mind. In particular his blue eyes. That was what he loved about people-soft, kind, beautiful eyes. He didn't really care about physical appearance and didn't think twice about other people's bodies. Just eyes, really.  
'No, no.' Liam puts his hands on Harry's firm chest, pushing him away. 'Like, thin'. Harry cocked his head slightly.  
'Dunno, maybe he's naturally skinny? You drive me crazy, you care too much.' Harry laughs.  
'No, Harry. You don't care enough!' He says sternly, a hint of sadness and almost yearning in his voice. Harry raises his eyebrows.  
'Woah, no need to make accusations. Who's his flatmate again? Me. If I saw cause for concern, I'd do something.'  
'Oh for fucks sake, just take a look for yourself, Haz. Do you actually look at him, at all? He's got nothing on him. You're so blind.' Liam rolled his eyes, almost disappointed by the lack of compassion.  
'Alright, Jesus. Sorry, Mother Theresa' Harry spat.

'What's up darl?' Harry called, opening the front door. 'Wow, that smells great.'  
'Mhmmm, cupcakes! Been watching a load of Bake Off re-runs recently, got me in the mood for baking' Louis laughs, grabbing his disgusting, calorie filled creations out the oven.  
'Looking great' Harry smiles, observing the cakes, before turning into his room and changing into sweatpants and a t-shirt before grabbing one of the cupcakes. 'Pretty sure sweatpants are gonna be all that fits me if I keep on eating your cooking. Not that I'd mind, it's all so lush' He laughs, as does Louis. Well at least Harry's the type that could actually get away with eating a bit, bet you wish you could relate.  
They sit on the couch watching the episode of Bake Off together. Harry studies Louis' body, well, as much as he can. He's wearing a giant black hoodie and baggy "mom" jeans. He couldn't exactly get a good look at Louis. Liam was bullshitting, Louis was perfectly healthy. No such thing as a skinny cook after all.  
'You mind if I ask the guys round tonight?' Harry asks, and he turns around to face him.  
'No, of course not' he shrugs, although he did mind, more people to observe him.

***

'Alright, mate?' Niall asks, giving Harry a firm hug.  
'Not too bad my brother' he replies, half-ironically using so-called "dudebro" speak.  
'Ahh, Zayn!' he chirps again, lightheartedly.  
'Good to see you my guy. Where's your little lad?'  
'If you're referring to my flatmate he's in his room. You've probably all scared him off' Harry purposefully looks at Liam whilst saying this. A remark that makes Liam roll his eyes in sheer annoyance.  
'Oh I do love you, despite you being a grumpy so-and-so.' Harry leans over to Liam. Louis follows through into the front room and greets the guys too. They've become accustomed to him hanging out with them, and in truth, they really liked him. 

As they all sit down in the living room, Louis hands out the cupcakes.  
'You've had one of these, yeah?' Liam asks inquisitively, earning him another disapproving look from Harry.  
'Absolutely! Gotta taste test first right?' Louis smiles at him.  
'Go on then, have another.' Liam says with a certain patronising tone, near accusatory. He doesn't believe Louis for a second. An awkward silence fills the room.  
'What the hell, Li? He's ha-' Harry begins  
'Uhh, no! I'll have one' Louis laughs. He delicately takes a cupcake out of the tin and sits down on the chair. Everything's arranged somewhat symetrically- a sofa directly facing the TV, then Louis' chair and another sofa opposite eachother, sideways to the TV. Louis sits with his legs dangling over the armrest of the chair. Liam and Harry sit opposite.  
'See!' Harry groans. 'Right, what do we wanna watch?'  
The conversation drones on, with Liam not speaking once. He just stares at Louis the entire time.  
Fifty minutes pass. He hasn't taken a single bite from the cupcake. Liam mentally notes this.

Break pieces off. Drop them. Clean them up when everyone's gone and Harry's gone to bed. Don't let anyone know. You ate the cupcake. But don't actually do that. It'll go straight to your thighs.

He makes sure all the boys are paying firm attention to the TV, then begins tearing pieces of cupcake and dropping them on the floor. Liam sees everything. Absolutely everything. He doesn't bring it up. But he has to. But not now. He'll talk to Harry about it.


End file.
